🚫 Cheese and onion Zoo – RESTRICTED AREAS
🧨 1. The Screeching Sector
Constant background noise of unknown origin
Warning signs read: “Wear Earmuffs or Regret It”
Home to:
The Accordion Wasp (sings aggressively)
Cabbages with teeth
A goat made entirely of nightmares
🧪 2. The Overflow Pens
Creatures placed here “temporarily” — five years ago
Includes:
The Boover (half bat, half hoover)
A herd of penguins that quote Shakespeare while on fire
Something only labelled “Do Not Feed (Again)”
Staff must carry a large spoon and an apology form
🌪️ 3. Weather Wing
Houses self-contained magical weather systems
Security passes often get blown away
Known hazards:
Indoor lightning
Sleet that whispers insults
A sentient breeze named Dennis who keeps unlocking the doors
🧂 4. The Salt Flats
Entire zone made of coarse enchanted salt
Visitors become extremely honest against their will
Inhabitants include:
Giant worms who review your personality
Flat jellyfish that cause minor existential dread
🕳️ 5. The Enclosure That Wasn’t
Officially doesn’t exist
Only visible from the third floor of the snack shack if you squint
Rumoured to contain:
Mr Onion’s least successful creation
A mirror that shows you what you smell like to others
A wizard who once turned himself into “a bit of everything”
🎩 6. The Hat Vault
An enormous underground chamber housing dangerous magical hats
Wardrobes of cursed headgear and self-aware fascinators
Once opened, visitors forget their name and crave soup
Protected by a sentient top hat named “Graham”
⛔ STAFF ONLY ZONE: Door 17
A single red door behind the Mishap Gallery
No staff know where it leads
Still opens every Tuesday
Last entered by a volunteer named Kevin. Kevin is now a fog.
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