🐾 Emergency Escape Animals of Cobbleditch Zoo
Deployed when legs just won’t do.
1. Sir Gallopington, the High-Speed Llama
Always in roller skates.
Only responds to dramatic whistles.
Once carried two zookeepers, a duck, and a clipboard out of a meeting.
2. Dennis the Panic Tortoise
Looks slow. Is not.
Capable of 40 mph if you shout “FIRE!” near him.
Comes with a built-in sidecar made of felt.
3. Barry the Emergency Wombat
Has no idea he’s part of the system.
Just very fast and allergic to shouting.
Often escapes with the wrong person.
4. Whisper Pig
Arrives silently in times of awkwardness.
Nudges you toward the nearest exit without making a fuss.
Known to vanish during audits.
5. Blister the Flight Goose
Enormous goose. Saddle included.
Can carry one adult and one lie.
Screeches continuously in Latin.
6. The Vanishing Ferret
Wraps around your leg and teleports you to a safe location.
You won’t remember how or when.
Leaves a single hair and a faint smell of rhubarb.
7. Susan the Galloping Frog
Legs too long. Moves like a malfunctioning pogo stick.
Only deploys during meetings that go over 30 minutes.
Refuses eye contact.
8. The Emergency Hedgehog Cluster
Not fast, but very persuasive.
Forms an arrow shape and rolls downhill. You follow or else.
Used frequently during “unplanned media visits.”
9. Trevor the Exit Otter
Appears when someone whispers, “I’m done.”
Holds your hand and guides you out through a water tunnel.
Smells of cucumber sandwiches.
10. The Emotional Support Crocodile (Carol)
Not actually trained for escape.
But no one questions you when you walk off holding her.
Wears a high-vis tabard that says “Absolutely Not Responsible.”
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